It's almost annoying that I find myself here again. Back in 1992-ish, I spent a lot of money on a heavy and bulky desktop PC and dial-up internet connection just to see what all of the fuss was about. That discovery launched what is a 30-year battle with and the tug-of-war between being overwhelmed by too many interests made possible by personal computing and the internet to wanting to completely disconnect and retreat into the woods for the rest of my life. The latter may finally force the voices in my head to shut up.
It was the introduction to technology, however, that propelled me into this long journey of wonder and information overload. Back then, I fervently taught myself HTML, FTP, some PHP, web host requirements, and so much more to create my very first sites from scratch. I am flabbergasted by the vast array of tools that are available to automate so much of it these days. So the draw to continue to immerse myself in it remains.
I am relaunching this site after the pandemic sidelined just about everything. I had been on a path to write that book that I've started so many times since the 90s. I was actively taking day trips to photograph beautiful parts of New England. I was trying to appease the nagging to create by creating. Surely not alone in my reaction to the pandemic, however, I got depressed, isolated, lost desire in those things I loved to do, got too caught up in constantly watching the news, battled bouts of insomnia, and became a robot simply going through the motions on a daily basis while the gear and tools I invested so much in languished catching dust in my home office. I took more than a simple time-out. Unfortunately, while the downtime during the pandemic would have actually been the ideal time to tackle all of these things I've been compelled to do for so many years, I couldn't get out of my own way.
So I'm trying this whole thing, again.
This time I hope to connect with others who share similar compulsions and struggles with devoting time and attention to what sometimes feels like what we're put on this earth to do — our purpose. So many of us get distracted by life's everyday demands and we suppress or find excuses for not doing the things we are compelled to do.
I also hope to connect with others who have succeeded in overcoming the obstacles they were putting in their own way. I hope to be in this category at some point and when I am, I will share how I got there.
Lately, I'm finding a lot of benefit in viewing Youtube videos created by people who have mastered whatever creative endeavors they've been compelled to partake in. I'm watching videos by established authors who provide writing and time management tips. I'm watching videos by people who have had success selling their creations on Etsy, for example. I'm watching videos about storytelling and video production. I'm listening to podcasts. I'm reading a number of books. I'm continuing to put myself in information overload mode while also trying to get into a better headspace.
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I am hopeful.
While it's probably wise to set goals and realistic deadlines for that which I want to accomplish, I must first prioritize. I do realize that my creative bucket list is long. While I've accomplished many things on my bucket list relating to family, travel, and other unrelated interests, I don't want to regret not doing the things that have nagged me for decades. I'm in my late 50s. It's time to put up or shut up. It's time to complete something. It's time to re-dedicate myself to what I enjoy. It's time to come out of this pandemic with hope. It's time to enjoy life. I'm realizing that in order to do so, I must listen to the “callings,” for lack of a better word (I've watched too much Manifest lately), because I know that finally devoting the necessary time and effort to complete them will bring me joy.
If you are struggling with the same and can identify with what I've written here, you are not alone and I wish you great success. I invite you to follow me on social media and sign up for my newsletter so I can share future insights with you.
